I know I am supposed to support the Gender Studies department at UBC but I find it impossible to engage when the upcoming topics is: “Go Figure! Public Pedagogies, Invisible Impairments and the Performative Paradoxes of Visibility as Veracity.” This is part of the reason why I write in plain language for women. So they are not subjected to scientification and acedademitization (I made these words up!). Surely there is there not a way to make the academic topics comprehensible to the average woman?
I strongly recommend this book. I will blog excerpts when I get a chance! It was published by Gotham in 2003.
I have been meditating regularly and also reading a few Pema Chodron books. In order to help me remember the insights that emerge, I have been doing little sketches. Here is the first one. I plan to post one every so often. I hope you like them.
I have often wondered (as the mother of two teen daughters) why the mother-daughter relationship is so tense and emotional. I think I am the cause of the trouble since I am writing two books on how we hold women back.
But then I realized I was doing the right thing by being (brutally) honest with them. I discovered this in a great article at www.thesilentfemalescream.com by Rosjke Hasseldine. Here are some of the important points she makes:
- the mother daughter relationship is THE most important relationship almost all women have
- it provides the tightest BOND and lays the foundation of her understanding of what it means to be a woman
- the relationship suffers not because of personal differences or hormones but because of the MARTYRDOM of women today
- like our grandmothers and mothers, we accept emotional NEGLECT but say nothing (the silent scream)
- as women we sacrifice ourselves and our very real needs and it causes all sorts of harm, including unhealthy relationships
- daughters see mother’s frustration, depression, boredom and afraid of repeating this situation
- mothers try to satisfy their emotional needs through daughters, which often fails (e.g., manipulation)
- we must realize that a healthy daughter, healthy mother and solid relationship requires a mother whose needs are being met
- we must stop telling mothers who speak out or SAY NO that they are selfish, needy or aggressive
- the solution is for mothers to BE SELF-FOCUSED, to find out what their needs are and then satisfy them
- but a warning, be prepared to shift the POWER dynamic in your marriage
- only then will our daughters learn that they are ENTITLED to expect others to listen to them and respect their needs and voices
She also says this: “The mother daughter relationship holds the key to changing women’s rights and experiences worldwide.”
I agree. I better get busy. YOUR THOUGHTS?
The Silk Worm, by Rumi
I stood before a silk worm one day. And that night my heart said to me,
“I can do things like that, I can spin skies, I can be woven into love that can bring warmth to people; I can be soft against a crying face, I can be wings that lift, and I can travel on my thousand feet throughout the earth, my sacks filled with the sacred.”
And I replied to my heart,
“Dear, can you really do all those things?”
And it just nodded, “Yes” in silence.
So we began and will never cease.
[Source: Love Poems from God by Daniel Ladinshky]
Here is a beautiful wish I just received from my friend Helen Waldstein Wilkes:
“May your audience grow, your ideas take root, your family thrive and bring you all the support that enables you to give to others.”
Wow. Thank you!
HAPPY NEW YEAR.
To celebrate this new year I am sending out ten copies of my book Mission Possible to the first ten people who tell me why they want this book. Email me and I will send it to you in return.
Here is my final note in 2015.
As you know, I am almost finished the four books I have been writing for several years. I had never planned that they all come out in the same year…but hey what can I do? I guess I will be busy next year.
Here are the (working) titles in case you are interested. I would love to know what “grabs you!”
- Mindfulness Made Easy – 50 Simple Practices To Reduce Stress And Create Calm – For Teachers, Professionals And Parents
- A Man’s Guide To (Ultimate) Power – 50 ways to Keep Women out (Or Not)- At Work at Home and in Public
- Wake up Sleeping Beauty- 50 Things your Mother Never told you about Cliques, Popularity, Bullies, Sexualisation and Power
- So You Want More Sex – 50 Things to say To Guarantee Intimacy
I will continue to post excerpts on my blog (www.MaureenFitzgerald.com) in case you want to learn more or want to tell a friend (hint hint)!
Thank you for reading my posts!
Wishing you all the best in 2015.
Happy Holidays to all,
I feel so blessed to have a home and so many friends and family.
Please have a wonderful holiday! See you in 2015.
PS Here is one of my favorite poems.
Things to Think
by Robert Bly
Think in ways you’ve never thought before.
If the phone rings, think of it as carrying a message
Larger than anything you’ve ever heard,
Vaster than a hundred lines of Yeats.
Think that someone may bring a bear to your door,
Maybe wounded and deranged; or think that a moose
Has risen out of the lake, and he’s carrying on his antlers
A child of your own whom you’ve never seen.
When someone knocks on the door, think that he’s about
To give you something large: tell you you’re forgiven,
Or that it’s not necessary to work all the time, or that it’s
Been decided that if you lie down no one will die.
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