I am so tired of the wrongly informed media on the so-called imposter syndrome, suffered by so many successful women. Many have recently applauded Sheryl Sandberg, the 41-year-old chief operating officer of Facebook for bringing this issue to light. As the most powerful woman in Silicon Valley today, we listen. Her message to the next generation of ambitious women is not new: Don’t sabotage yourself. She said: “Women systematically underestimate their capabilities” . “If you ask a man why he did a good job, he’ll say, ‘I’m awesome.’ A woman will say, ‘I’m lucky I got someone good to help me.’ ” When offered their first job after university, 57 per cent of men negotiate for themselves. Only 7 per cent of women do. “Women don’t feel they deserve their success.” Ms. Sandberg suggests that a major reason why women still make less money and have lower-ranking jobs than men is very simple – they just don’t ask for it.
Although this is true, its critical that we look at the deeper cause for the real solution. Here is an excerpt from my upcoming book tentatively titled: If You Want More Sex: 200 Ways To Help Her Feel More Powerful (so she will have more sex with you!).
“The so-called imposter syndrome that so many professional women suffer from comes directly from women’s life-long conditioning that tells us that we must be frauds to have gotten so far. Of course we are fundamentally insecure! Women have been told they are neither capable, competent not worthy. They are routinely attacked, raped, condemned and excluded. To ask all women to be continue to put up with poor treatment and place more pressure on themselves by suggesting they “just ask” is asking them to be martyrs and is quite cruel.
“It’s my thinking is that we women need desperately to heal from this ancient wound and re-claim their deepest feminine essence before they can truly own their own power. Until then we are only using part of our power and even that is not as effective as it could be.
“So when we accuse women of being afraid of embracing their full power in this male-based and dominance-based world it’s important to keep in mind the following: It’s not that women are not up to asking or not willing to take on the responsibility, it’s just that they are too scared and insecure. And this re-programming and healing won’t change overnight.
“Better yet, if you really want to get rid of the “imposter syndrome” start by changing this culture that is still so scary to women.” (copyright www.Maureen Fitzgerald.com)