I have often wondered (as the mother of two teen daughters) why the mother-daughter relationship is so tense and emotional. I think I am the cause of the trouble since I am writing two books on how we hold women back.
But then I realized I was doing the right thing by being (brutally) honest with them. I discovered this in a great article at www.thesilentfemalescream.com by Rosjke Hasseldine. Here are some of the important points she makes:
– the mother daughter relationship is THE most important relationship almost all women have
– it provides the tightest BOND and lays the foundation of her understanding of what it means to be a woman
– the relationship suffers not because of personal differences or hormones but because of the MARTYRDOM of women today
– like our grandmothers and mothers, we accept emotional NEGLECT but say nothing (the silent scream)
– as women we sacrifice ourselves and our very real needs and it causes all sorts of harm, including unhealthy relationships
– daughters see mother’s frustration, depression, boredom and afraid of repeating this situation
– mothers try to satisfy their emotional needs through daughters, which often fails (e.g., manipulation)
– we must realize that a healthy daughter, healthy mother and solid relationship requires a mother whose needs are being met
– we must stop telling mothers who speak out or SAY NO that they are selfish, needy or aggressive
– the solution is for mothers to BE SELF-FOCUSED, to find out what their needs are and then satisfy them
– but a warning, be prepared to shift the POWER dynamic in your marriage
– only then will our daughters learn that they are ENTITLED to expect others to listen to them and respect their needs and voices
She also says this: “The mother daughter relationship holds the key to changing women’s rights and experiences worldwide.”
I agree. I better get busy. YOUR THOUGHTS?