“The fact that women have the intellectual capacity of rocket scientists, the biological capabilities of mothers, the learned and inherent talents of nurturers, and the socially imposed responsibilities of domestic managers, does not mean these pieces will fit neatly together at once.”
As Mother’s Day approaches, I decided to ask a few mothers what they REALLY wanted for Mother’s Day. Three things immediately surfaced. So, in addition to buying her flowers and chocolates, you might want to consider getting her the following. Not only will these things last much longer, they will improve her life significantly for many years to come.
She wants a house partner – not just a helper
Every mom wants a house husband. Not just some help around the house. Not just a guy who takes out the garbage. Although 70% of moms work outside the home, they still do the majority of domestic work. Not only do women feel obliged to do it, but men continue to assume that domestic work is primarily the responsibility of mothers (or low-paid female housekeepers). And moms do this work for no money, status or recognition. And when they ask for help, they are often called nags.
Although men are quite able to contribute, they often choose not to. Why? There are four main reasons. According to a recent survey most men think that the division of work is fair when a woman does two-thirds and the man does one-third (go figure!). Many men also think that being a “bread winner” is enough – even when their partner earns more than him. Others do not consider cleaning house a “manly” thing to do and finally, many men work in workplaces that are notoriously structured in a way that makes it difficult to have the energy or time left for family responsibilities (e.g. 24/7 with lots of travel). All this must change if we truly care about mothers.
She wants a father for her kids – not just a baby sitter
The biggest gift you can ever give a mom is peace of mind. And the fastest way to do this is by helping her raise her children. Not just babysit them. Although most moms have careers, they still carry the bulk of child responsibilities. Moms need partners who will nurture their children just as much as they do. This means knowing what size shoe kids wear, who their teachers are and taking them to the dentist in the middle of the day. It means knowing their favorite foods, and preparing them over and over! It means being there when they are being bullied at school. And planning for adventures that you can do all together, so they love being with you and don’t rely totally on mom to do everything. It’s not just about helping mom; it’s about being a true partner in raising your children and giving your kids a deeply loving and supportive relationship that will last long after they are adults.
She wants an intimate lover – not just sex
Although we talk a lot about sex, we rarely talk about intimacy. Yet intimacy is exactly what mothers crave. They want to be held tenderly, nurtured and cared for. They want to be touched gently and spoken to in a loving way. They want a partner who can sit with them when they are hurting, exhausted or frustrated. They want someone to sooth their pain and talk about feelings (yes feelings!). They want to feel honored and admired by their partner – not just respected. They want others to ask for their opinion. They want to be seen and heard. Most of all they want to be loved. Every day of the year!